Hardest of Hearts

I've never felt so down before. How can people make out this is so great and the best thing ever, I hate it. I want this feeling to go away. I just feel so shit and pointless. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to. What's the point? What's the point in anything to be honest if we're just gonna end up feeling like this. There's not even anything I can do, I wish I could go to the doctors and be diagnosed and given a miracle cure but it doesn't work like that. Nothing seems to work. Everything's so fucking shit however you look at it, you can be optimistic as much as you like but that doesn't change the fact that's it's all just bullshit. I just wish I didn't feel like this or there was something I could do. I'm hopeless. This desperate, useless, angering feeling that I'm so passionate about. I hate it but it's slowly becoming part of me. It's taking over without my consent. Fuck that.

Her Morning Elegance

I think I've finally found the reason why I wake up in the mornings feeling so tired.



Georgina xx

Likes this

Why do people spend their time liking groups about their lives, rather than living them?

Roman Time

Who'd have known?

Im not sure what to think of it really, I spose it's weird but who cares?

Ergh I feel ill.

Need sleep.

But need to revise.

Ergh.

Snap.

An Education

Last night I watched 'An Education', a film set in the 60's (based on a true story) about a girl pushed but her parents to go to Oxford, but who gets distracted from her goal by an older man (I have to say I preferred his friend but whatever). I don't watch films very often, especially if they seem serious or not an absolute 'must-see', but 'An Education' was really good. It did have some more lighthearted bits but the general plot was fairly serious.

The ending was a bit disappointing but the film itself was brilliant. I suppose a lot of it shows just a normal girl's day-to-day life (obviously not including meeting a man/ going to Paris etc.) but the relationship she has with her parents and her friends is definitely something a lot of us could relate to. In fact I liked it so much that I watched half of it again this evening...oh dear. Well I recommended it to my parents and they were watching it and I got hooked :P

It also gave me a bit of motivation to work, just the general message of 'You can achieve what you want' has given me a bit of a boost. Revision's hard, especially when you know you have to work and you know you want to, there's just that part of you, the lazy bit, that tells you to do something else. I suppose 'A Education' made me realise that I can go far if I work hard. Yes I know I sound cheesy, but I really am desperate for motivation at the moment!

I hope you're all ok, thanks for reading and watch this film of you get a chance!

Georgina xx

Are We There Yet

I guess I know how it feels then. Shit. I don't feel heart broken, just broken. Completely like I've just been smashed to pieces. Just embarrassed and upset and hurt and confused. And this is why hopes should never be high, you're either disappointed or you just have everything completely crushed. However nicely you phrase it, it still means the same thing.

Unknown

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

-Unknown

Pacemaker

I haven't posted in a while. The weather's nice, school is shit. It's a 4 day weekend but exams are coming up. The royal wedding was lovely, I need a plan to marry Prince Harry asap. Went shopping today, did lots of impulse buying. Spent ages searching for a Union Jack flag for my ginger spice costume, might have to go as a genie instead. Crazy moment last night where I found some guts from somewhere but that didn't go anywhere. Listening to Jamie T and appreciating music again. Feeling guilty for not revising but the only way is essex is just addictive. Having people round tomorrow and trying to work that thing out...

Georgina xx

Wake up where the clouds are far behind me...

Yes, I know I should be revising but it's so sunny! I've been out a few times this week and thought my camera deserved some sun as well. I think this summer will be the one I have thousands of photos of...
These are just a few out of hundreds, not all taken by me and I have edited them slightly on Lightroom. There are some pretty b&w ones I might post too if I can find the time :)

Hope you like them,

Georgina xxx

You felt as if you'd just woke up...

I just got back from my Gold DofE practice expedition in the Lake District. We canoed down Ullswater lake for a day, walked up and around a mountain then canoed back. I'll be honest with you I wasn't looking forward to it, I didn't enjoy Silver as it was just walking so my hopes weren't too high. But I guess it was just a whole different experience. Our group got on so well, there were no arguments, everyone joked around with each other, there were no separate groups and we just all got on so well. Plus however cheesy it sounds we worked so well as a team :) The place we went to was beautiful, we didn't really appreciate it until the last night when we stayed on a really quiet campsite on the side of a mountain. We had our own little spot with a view of the mountains and the whole lake. We set up the tents and had a little campfire. There was a full moon and loads of stars, it was just magical. I loved it. And even thought I'd been wearing the same clothes all weekend, hadn't showered in days, hadn't slept well and was freezing cold, I didn't want to go home. I just wanted to stay there in our little bubble of the lake district. In our little group (aka the Reem Team) taking the piss out of each other whilst cooking crappy food and looking out over the lake. Just lovely.



Just a pretty song really.

So I suppose I've learnt to appreciate the little things a bit more. Today I've been more proactive- got loads done but enjoyed it. It won't last but it is nice. I watched TV that I normally love and just found it pointless and crap. I sat outside in the garden but didn't have a problem with just doing nothing. Just little things, I feel happier, I'm more me. I've been crazy all weekend but I've been nice and got on with people and not been a bitch and not argued and not been moody. I've loved it. I just got away and was happy and me. At peace.


Me xx

Sun sun sun

Georgina x

Cut and Run

Go Fly a Kite

I really can't explain how I feel. I haven't felt this in ages. Just angry and stressed and everything bubbling up inside me. I feel sick and tired and like crying. I want to have an argument with someone. I don't know where this has come from, I can think of a million and one petty reasons. No sleep? Lack of exercise? Stress? Argh. Just this big fat ball of bad emotions has found its way inside me and I don't know how. So many small things that get on my nerves, some bigger things, to me anyway. And of course there's always a 'him' involved, what problem would be a true problem without a 'him'. Of course its the usual sitch where you're just the one just nodding and smiling, putting on a happy voice and giving everyone else advice. Everyone says they should take their own advice, but that's just silly because then there would be no drama and no attention and no winging. What would life be without complaining about it? We're all selfish dicks who only want to talk about themselves, I just wish some people would make it a little less obvious.

I Heart You Online

I spose this is how it is...

You and I

Beautiful song, I learnt it on the ukulele today :)

Georgina xx

Man I Hate Your Baand

Sorry for the lack of posts, I've been lambing all week :) It's so fun, just being on a farm is nice because it's so relaxed and you get to be outside all day. Plus I got to miss school for a week for driving a quad bike and walking round fields! It's not everyone's cup of tea but I love it :) I also get on really well with the farmer and his girlfriend, they're so friendly and laid back. They probably got fed up of me haha, I just talked the whole time and kept doing things wrong :P but it was a good week, I'm just dreading going back to school now :/

True

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” -Albert Pine.

White Blank Page

I'm a happy chappy. I've had a good week. Last week was long and slow and boring with no motivation and a lack of smiles. This weeks has been varied, it's gone quickly and lots has come out of it.

Thursday was As level results day. It also happened to be the same day I had a course for work so when everyone found out their results, I was sat in a room listening to some old guy waffle on about common sense. I could have rung the school but I couldn't stand the thought of someone reading my results to me! I went in at the end of the day and had to painfully wait while the teacher searched through every list trying to find my name.

I'll be honest I was expecting the worst, I'm aiming for As but was expecting Ds and Es. In the end I got AAB (As in Physics and Biology and B in Chemistry) which I was pretty chuffed with :) I'll have to resit the B which seems pathetic but I really do need an A to be a vet! As for the A in physics, that's a miracle! I cant wait to see my cocky teacher who told me I would never get an A however hard I worked.

As for the rest of the year group, there's a lot of disappointment. I've never heard so many Us and Es going round the place, it's mental. Thank God for resits!

Hope you're all good you were pleased with any results you've got recently :)

Thanks for reading,

Georgina xx

Cause I have other things to fill my time...

Day 14 - A picture of your favorite pastime.
Thinking, dreaming, sleeping. Not really pastimes but that's what I like to do.
I think loads. I've never thought of it as a bad thing really but when looking for all these photos on www.weheartit.com it was generally portrayed as something not to be done if trying to avoid stress or worry. I think it helps your worries. If you put everything to the back of your mind then nothing will be solved but thinking and problem solving is the way to go.
As for dreaming, this is a weird one. I dream loads. I'm starting to think this is medication related but I won't go into that one. It's odd. Sometimes it's nice, some days I wake up in the morning in the best mood simply because of my dream, other days I just have loads of stories to tell and things to laugh at. But sometimes I wake up feeling like rather than getting a good night's sleep, I've just been busy the whole time and haven't had any rest at all.
Sleeping is nice. Pretty much the only way to get rid of that 'I just want to curl up in a ball and hibernate' feeling is by doing that. I could sleep forever.
And now just to be arrogant and quote myself: I was walking with my friend through school earlier and she went off ahead so I tried to explain what happened and said "I always get caught up in the cloud." Even though I meant to say 'crowd' I thought it summed me up quite well.
So oui, that's all from me, I have sleeping to do and probably some thinking and worrying too, plus I will undoubtedly have lots of dreams :)

Georgina xx

Gah

Some people annoy me, some people disappoint me and some people just can't take a fucking hint.

There's Nothing I can't be

I really don't know what this is, I just feel at a loose end. I'm just lost, I don't want the present and I don't want the future. I just wanna curl up in a ball and hibernate for a while. There are loads of things to look forward to, things to be excited about, but I feel nothing. I'm just deflated and demotivated and meh. I can't be arsed with school or work or friends or anything. I need motivation or everything is just pointless. That's the problem is that everything is for the future, but the future is so far away. But actually it's so close. I can't explain it but I feel like I'm living my life how it is not how I've made it, but then I can control my life so it's all down to me to change.

Argh.

Wall of Arms

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.


The Maccabees <3

In Time

Urgh I'm so tired. Belgium was wicked, I'll dedicate a post to it in the next few days but I don't have the energy today. I'm doing a life guarding course this half term. It's for 6 days, 8.30-5.30 and I'm already shattered! It's quite good though, I've learnt lots already and the people are really nice :) Oh and I've learnt lots more songs on the ukulele since I last posted :D

Update will be here soon, just thought I'd give you a courtesy post <3

Georgina xx

BUZZING FOR BELGIUM

Tomorrow, me and 15 other students plus 2 teachers and very little knowledge of the French language are taking ourselves to Belgium!

We're getting the train to London at 8.15 tomorrow, we'll then get the Eurostar to Brussels and then a train to Liege where we'll say with our exchange partners for a week.

I'm excited but nervous. Half of me can't wait for the laughs and the fun and low drinking age (only 16!) but the other half is thinking of having to speak French, staying in an unfamiliar place and getting up at 6 every morning...

Anyway, I'm all packed and ready to go, just got to find some cards for the train, a camera and my passport! It's late but I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway :D

Au Revoir! See you in a week!

Georgina xx

LoveHate

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

Injections. Disgusting. Probably my biggest fear. Yet I want to be a vet...

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

Long car journeys. iPod in, music on, dream away.
Short and sweet.
Hope you're all good :)

Georgina xx

Ukulele

Sorry I haven't posted for ages, I've been busy as usual :) I went out for a meal last night for mine and a friend's birthday. I had a really good time actually, got pretty drunk and said lots of stupid things but it was fun :D

My friend Ffi came round for a few hours this evening and gave me my birthday present- a ukulele! It was a complete surprise, I'm not in the least bit musical...well I have my grade 1 violin but I don't think that counts...
Ffi is really into music, she plays about 10 instruments so whenever I go round to her house I always try and play the ukulele (and completely fail) so she bought me this one and stayed for a while to teach me how to play :D Ahh look at it it's so beautiful, and red to match my room!
As you can imagine I'm not that brilliant but I was surprised how easily I picked it up. I can now play 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz, 'Believer' from Shrek and '5 Years Time' by Noah and the Whale, I'm quite proud! I really want to carry on practising so I'm actually good :D
So I just thought I should let you know seeing as I'm majorly excited! I'll update you soon, I'm gong to Belgium on Wednesday so I'll deffo post before then, and lets hope I've learnt some more tunes :)

Thanks for reading,

Georgina xx

Like The Wheel

Day 10 - A picture of someone you see yourself marrying in the future.

To be honest this is a bit of a cringy one, I mean how can we know who'll we'll end up marrying? As I have to make I choice I'd say either a vet or a farmer. Hopefully I'll be a vet myself so will meet lots of science and animal people :) And as for the farmer thing, I would love to live on a farm! I always tell my parents that I'll marry a farmer :P

(Ignore the actual people in the pictures, it's more of a generalisation...)
My friends always tell me that when I'm older I'll be a vet, live on a farm and have ginger kids and animals running around the place. It doesn't sound that bad to me :)

It was my birthday on Thursday, I had a really great day and got some lovely presents :) I'll posts some pictures when I get a chance. The Belgian exchange people arrived on that day too. Mine's called Catherine and she's so nice! We've had a such a busy weekend entertaining them. We went out for a meal on Friday, got quite drunk and went to a bar to watch an Elvis impersonator... On Saturday they went to Oxford then we all got together in the evening. Sunday we went shopping and a few of us met up later on. We had a a good evening just playing cards and stuff! At the moment they're all at the cinema so we get some time on our own, which is nice :)

Anyway I'll stop rambling now, just thought I'd give you a last January update :D

Thanks for reading,

Georgina xx

I Read it in the Paper

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has got you through the most.

Yup, it's Ffi again, she really is the best friend anyone could ask for, she has her faults but don't we all? She's pretty much the only person I could trust with anything, everyone needs someone like that.

I'm so excited!! It's my birthday tomorrow :D Today, to celebrate, 10 of us left school at midday to have a pub lunch. We ended up in Costa with food from Greggs, cos the pub was full, so it wasn't as interesting as we'd expected but we still had a good time :) Tomorrow the Belgium exchange people are arriving- mine's called Catherine, I can't wait to meet her! Oh and of course the new series of Skins is starting on E4! So much excitement I don't think I can cope :D

Hope you're all fine and dandy, I'm pretty happy myself :)

Georgina xx

P.S. Title from a band called 'First Aid Kit'-nice, pretty music :)
Oh and also I've just realised how cringy this photo is...ahh well

Times and Places

Day 06 - A picture of somewhere you've been.
I went to Venice with my mum last summer, it was absolutely beautiful and we had a great time. I have so many lovely photos, I look through them every now and again and remember how amazing it was :)

Day 07 - A picture that shows your true self.
I don't really know why I chose this one, I suppose I just look kind of happy and relaxed which is how I am most of the time. We also had a great time that day just out in the garden taking photos, simple but fun :)

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
This is me with my three best friends on the day of our prom. We're all doing the 'LOL' face but Katie on the end has her hands backwards, love it :D

Hope you like the photos,

Georgina xx

It Will Follow The Rain

Day 05 - A picture of your favourite memory.

I pretty much have all my favourite photos stuck on my bedroom wall, the one above is of my three best friends, taken in a photo booth in about year 8. I will admit it's not a specific memory, I wasn't even there! But it's more the memory of that time. We really were the best of friends and had the greatest time, we're still close but nothing compared to then.

I decided to take a few more pictures of photos on my wall, they're mostly pretty old but I thought they looked nice all put together :) So here's a picture of lots of good memories...
Hope you like them :)

Georgina xx

Buried by the Daisies

Day 04 - A picture of your day.
I've had a long day which was made a good one by amazing friends, long talks and Starbucks.

I know this is a picture challenge but I thought I'd add a little extra :) If my day had a sound track, this would be it. I've just found this band (The Tallest Man on Earth) and they're actually brilliant. Have a listen I really think you'll like it :)



Hope you've all had a good day :)

Georgina xx

Scrubs

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

Love love love it! It's probably the only TV show that actually makes me laugh out loud every time. It's like the new friends, I just with they'd made more series.

Georgina xx

Me?

The first post of my photo challenge :)

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with 10 facts.

Ok this is going to be harder than I thought, just finding a photo of myself was hard enough! I don't have many pictures of me on my own and it looks stupid if you crop people out! Some were too blurry or too small, and the rest either make me look like a freak or really posy! So I thought I'd give you a range and you can make your own minds up without me giving you a picture of how I want you to see me :) Although I did limit it to some slightly more sane ones...

And now for the facts...
1. I'm at Sixth Form doing Chemistry, Biology, Physics and French. It's bloody hard.

2. I have braces, you can probably tell by the photos and the occasional rant I have! I've had them since May '09 and cannot wait to get them off :)

3. I'm a really weird sleeper. I snore, I sleep talk, sleepwalk and I have the weirdest dreams, oh and hallucinations in the summer...

4. I'm a swimming teacher! Well teaching assistant but still, I've only been working there since September but I love it, the kids are so sweet and it's quite a nice job really :)

5. I'm really sentimental. I'm not too much of a hoarder but if something holds a memory it has to stay. For example when my parents considered getting a new front door I went pretty mental...

6. I'm an atheist, I accept religion but just don't believe in it.

7. I worry about things that have never or may never happen to me.

8. I think lives are like paths and you always get to a crossroad and have to choose which way to go, even the tiniest of choices makes a whole lot of difference but they're our decisions so we only have ourselves to blame.

9. I'm scared of spiders, needles and failure.

10. Whenever I'm upset I just look up a the sky and think how insignificant everything is. It's not that reassuring but it makes you wake up a bit and get on with it.


Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Ffi- friends since we were 3, brilliant :)

Thank you all for reading :)

Georgina xx

Snapshot

Exams are over!!! Finally! I won't go on about them, it'll just stress me out. So I thought I'd try something new, I'm always looking for inspiration for my blog and now I have a bit more time to find it! I found this challenge on 'A Mermaid's Fashion Notebook' and thought it looked really fun.

I have to do a post with a picture and whatever else it tells me to include! I can't promise I'll do all of them and they won't be everyday but I'll give it a go, and feel free to try it too :)

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with 10 facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your day.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of somewhere you've been.
Day 07 - A picture that shows your true self.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of someone you see yourself marrying in the future.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of your favorite pastime.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone you've been friends with the longest and still feel connected to.
Day 17 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 18 - A picture of your favorite place.
Day 19 - A picture of a habit you wish you didn't have.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of you last year and how you've changed since then
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

I don't wanna make this post too long so I'll start the challenge on the next post (which I will do now to avoid doing any work etc.)

Georgina xx

Gutted.

Gutted. Seriously there is no other way of describing it. I'm gonna sound like a pathetic over-dramatic twat when I say this. Today I went to the orthodontist hoping to get my braces off. Ok, not really hoping, I was counting on it, I was really excited, I've actually been waiting for this for ages. Anyway I got there and they looked ready to take them off- you know with all the stuff ready and asking about allergies and that. So I lay down on their stupid chair thing and put on their fucking annoying glasses. Just for him to prod around my mouth for a bit and then ask if I'd been wearing my elastics. I have, by the way, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I told him this, only for him to poke around a bit more then say 'here's some more elastics, the sooner you do it properly the sooner you'll have them off' and hand me another pack.

I was so pissed off, I have seriously been waiting for this day for weeks. I felt like crying but I managed to hold it in on the way to the car, with my dad. Until his stupid comment 'Oh don't worry, you can work in Costa instead of being a vet' This is a tiny comment but considering I have the three science exams this week , that basically decide whether I can apply to be a vet or not, it was a sensitive subject -.- So I just cried, he thought it was his fault of course but he was just 'the straw that broke the camel's back' to use a cheesy phrase. So now I'm here just feeling shit and disappointed and upset and stupid that I'm crying over something so small and now I have to wait 2months to go back. Just GUTTED.

Roll Away Your Stone

I know this is a very late post but I've been revising for my exams that are next week, scary times :/ Anyway I promised a resolutions post and that is what you shall have :) My first post on this blog was last year, January 6th to be exact, and it was on my new year's resolutions.

Here's the picture of my list, not very clear but ahh well. It's still on my wall even on the 9th day of 2011 :/ not god I know but it would look bare without it and I don't have time t make a new one yet!
So have I kept them? Well there were a lot, 30 actually, so it was a big ask of myself...
Don't feel you have to read this next bit, it's for me really :)

1. Run more- I have failed this terribly. X
2. Do more art- I did a GCSE and As level in it so that's quite a bit of work... ✓
3. Take too many photos- too many but maybe not enough? ✓
4. Drink tea- I completed that one! ✓
5. Get a fringe and keep it- failed, I wasn't brave enough. X
6. Do GCSEs- yup ✓
7. Do them well- I hope so ✓
8. Keep calm and carry on- I do try ✓
9. Make my room, my room- this one I can definitely say I've done :D ✓
10. Doodle- but I never know what to draw! X
11. Get quotes quotes quotes- of course :) ✓
12. Watch more films- I've watched more but not enough X
13. Buy nice cheap clothes- the discovery of charity shops and primark ✓
14. Be creative- I'd like to think so ✓
15. Go to more gigs- I've been to a few, but yer :/ X
16. Follow blogs- loads of them! ✓
17. Drink water much more- I actually have. I'm rather proud :) ✓
18. Eat chocolate much less- maybe this one was a bit too hard... X
19. Walk more- done and done ✓
20. Make fish tank better- or give the fish away and take it to the tip? X
21. Go places- this one's kind of hard to avoid ✓
22. Read fact and fiction- I haven't read enough but when I do it's fact :) X
23. Learn something everyday- that would be nice ✓
24.Think- I've done plenty of thinking ✓
25. Paint stuff- I did, that's in the past now ✓
26. Get loads of work experience- yup, but need more! ✓
27. Be inspired- yes and no ✓
28. Learn from mistakes- I'd like to think so :) ✓
29. Be early- Hahaha no! X
30. Learn how to go to bed earlier- I've learnt, it the doing that's the challenge X

So now I have to think of some for 2011, I'm so behind the times, I'm over a week late for resolutions but I need some! What are yours? I need ideas!

Thanks for reading,

Georgina xx

Churlish May

Ok, I now it's a few days late but HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I will soon be doing a post on resolutions but I am very busy at the mo with revising and sitting on my arse, feeling bad for not revising. January exams, bad times.

I'll be back soon!
Georgina xx