Hardest of Hearts

I've never felt so down before. How can people make out this is so great and the best thing ever, I hate it. I want this feeling to go away. I just feel so shit and pointless. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to. What's the point? What's the point in anything to be honest if we're just gonna end up feeling like this. There's not even anything I can do, I wish I could go to the doctors and be diagnosed and given a miracle cure but it doesn't work like that. Nothing seems to work. Everything's so fucking shit however you look at it, you can be optimistic as much as you like but that doesn't change the fact that's it's all just bullshit. I just wish I didn't feel like this or there was something I could do. I'm hopeless. This desperate, useless, angering feeling that I'm so passionate about. I hate it but it's slowly becoming part of me. It's taking over without my consent. Fuck that.

Are We There Yet

I guess I know how it feels then. Shit. I don't feel heart broken, just broken. Completely like I've just been smashed to pieces. Just embarrassed and upset and hurt and confused. And this is why hopes should never be high, you're either disappointed or you just have everything completely crushed. However nicely you phrase it, it still means the same thing.

Pacemaker

I haven't posted in a while. The weather's nice, school is shit. It's a 4 day weekend but exams are coming up. The royal wedding was lovely, I need a plan to marry Prince Harry asap. Went shopping today, did lots of impulse buying. Spent ages searching for a Union Jack flag for my ginger spice costume, might have to go as a genie instead. Crazy moment last night where I found some guts from somewhere but that didn't go anywhere. Listening to Jamie T and appreciating music again. Feeling guilty for not revising but the only way is essex is just addictive. Having people round tomorrow and trying to work that thing out...

Georgina xx

Cross my Heart and Hope to Fly

I dunno why I'm so down. I just had a really good day with lovely people. I suppose I'm just lost, I don't really know where I belong...friends-wise this is. Because I'm not sure if the new friends are truly accepting and if the other ones really wanted me there in the first place and if the best ones still want to be the best ones. And maybe I'm also down cos of my ridiculous parents who seem to completely lack empathy, or maybe the fact I have a mouthful of ulcers and a banging headache. Oh I dunno, I'm just feeling sorry for myself but I do feel shit. I think I'm just gonna stick some music on, have a cup of tea and make something for my room. That might help I suppose.