A brain on overload and a misunderstood smile

I am so split. In two minds. Almost like two channels of my brain. On channel one I'm happy. I have the biggest smile, a big cheesy grin, for no reason, just because life is good and I have music and friends and sun. I feel like dancing around, singing in the shower, having one-way conversations with my cat. That's my favourite channel. The one I am trying to stay on.

Channel two. Negative. I am so stressed out. I have much to think about, if I do I just burst into tears. I can't even stop and leave it a few days. Even when I cry I have to work or get something ready, just because I know I don't have any time to waste. I just sit there with tears streaming down my face, finishing off my maths homework or revising science. I'm tired and moody. I have two language speaking exams next week and I have learnt nothing. I have two art exams to prepare for and no inspiration. Every evening I am doing something after school. I just need to STOP. Switch off. Relax. My brain is dead, I'm on autopilot. I hate it.

Today I even ignored someone. I never do that. I wasn't event thinking about anything. I was just asleep, trying to get a break from this stupid thing. I can't explain it. Nervous breakdown time.