Hardest of Hearts

I've never felt so down before. How can people make out this is so great and the best thing ever, I hate it. I want this feeling to go away. I just feel so shit and pointless. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to. What's the point? What's the point in anything to be honest if we're just gonna end up feeling like this. There's not even anything I can do, I wish I could go to the doctors and be diagnosed and given a miracle cure but it doesn't work like that. Nothing seems to work. Everything's so fucking shit however you look at it, you can be optimistic as much as you like but that doesn't change the fact that's it's all just bullshit. I just wish I didn't feel like this or there was something I could do. I'm hopeless. This desperate, useless, angering feeling that I'm so passionate about. I hate it but it's slowly becoming part of me. It's taking over without my consent. Fuck that.

Her Morning Elegance

I think I've finally found the reason why I wake up in the mornings feeling so tired.



Georgina xx

Likes this

Why do people spend their time liking groups about their lives, rather than living them?

Roman Time

Who'd have known?

Im not sure what to think of it really, I spose it's weird but who cares?

Ergh I feel ill.

Need sleep.

But need to revise.

Ergh.

Snap.

An Education

Last night I watched 'An Education', a film set in the 60's (based on a true story) about a girl pushed but her parents to go to Oxford, but who gets distracted from her goal by an older man (I have to say I preferred his friend but whatever). I don't watch films very often, especially if they seem serious or not an absolute 'must-see', but 'An Education' was really good. It did have some more lighthearted bits but the general plot was fairly serious.

The ending was a bit disappointing but the film itself was brilliant. I suppose a lot of it shows just a normal girl's day-to-day life (obviously not including meeting a man/ going to Paris etc.) but the relationship she has with her parents and her friends is definitely something a lot of us could relate to. In fact I liked it so much that I watched half of it again this evening...oh dear. Well I recommended it to my parents and they were watching it and I got hooked :P

It also gave me a bit of motivation to work, just the general message of 'You can achieve what you want' has given me a bit of a boost. Revision's hard, especially when you know you have to work and you know you want to, there's just that part of you, the lazy bit, that tells you to do something else. I suppose 'A Education' made me realise that I can go far if I work hard. Yes I know I sound cheesy, but I really am desperate for motivation at the moment!

I hope you're all ok, thanks for reading and watch this film of you get a chance!

Georgina xx

Are We There Yet

I guess I know how it feels then. Shit. I don't feel heart broken, just broken. Completely like I've just been smashed to pieces. Just embarrassed and upset and hurt and confused. And this is why hopes should never be high, you're either disappointed or you just have everything completely crushed. However nicely you phrase it, it still means the same thing.

Unknown

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

-Unknown

Pacemaker

I haven't posted in a while. The weather's nice, school is shit. It's a 4 day weekend but exams are coming up. The royal wedding was lovely, I need a plan to marry Prince Harry asap. Went shopping today, did lots of impulse buying. Spent ages searching for a Union Jack flag for my ginger spice costume, might have to go as a genie instead. Crazy moment last night where I found some guts from somewhere but that didn't go anywhere. Listening to Jamie T and appreciating music again. Feeling guilty for not revising but the only way is essex is just addictive. Having people round tomorrow and trying to work that thing out...

Georgina xx

Wake up where the clouds are far behind me...

Yes, I know I should be revising but it's so sunny! I've been out a few times this week and thought my camera deserved some sun as well. I think this summer will be the one I have thousands of photos of...
These are just a few out of hundreds, not all taken by me and I have edited them slightly on Lightroom. There are some pretty b&w ones I might post too if I can find the time :)

Hope you like them,

Georgina xxx

You felt as if you'd just woke up...

I just got back from my Gold DofE practice expedition in the Lake District. We canoed down Ullswater lake for a day, walked up and around a mountain then canoed back. I'll be honest with you I wasn't looking forward to it, I didn't enjoy Silver as it was just walking so my hopes weren't too high. But I guess it was just a whole different experience. Our group got on so well, there were no arguments, everyone joked around with each other, there were no separate groups and we just all got on so well. Plus however cheesy it sounds we worked so well as a team :) The place we went to was beautiful, we didn't really appreciate it until the last night when we stayed on a really quiet campsite on the side of a mountain. We had our own little spot with a view of the mountains and the whole lake. We set up the tents and had a little campfire. There was a full moon and loads of stars, it was just magical. I loved it. And even thought I'd been wearing the same clothes all weekend, hadn't showered in days, hadn't slept well and was freezing cold, I didn't want to go home. I just wanted to stay there in our little bubble of the lake district. In our little group (aka the Reem Team) taking the piss out of each other whilst cooking crappy food and looking out over the lake. Just lovely.



Just a pretty song really.

So I suppose I've learnt to appreciate the little things a bit more. Today I've been more proactive- got loads done but enjoyed it. It won't last but it is nice. I watched TV that I normally love and just found it pointless and crap. I sat outside in the garden but didn't have a problem with just doing nothing. Just little things, I feel happier, I'm more me. I've been crazy all weekend but I've been nice and got on with people and not been a bitch and not argued and not been moody. I've loved it. I just got away and was happy and me. At peace.


Me xx

Sun sun sun

Georgina x

Cut and Run

Go Fly a Kite

I really can't explain how I feel. I haven't felt this in ages. Just angry and stressed and everything bubbling up inside me. I feel sick and tired and like crying. I want to have an argument with someone. I don't know where this has come from, I can think of a million and one petty reasons. No sleep? Lack of exercise? Stress? Argh. Just this big fat ball of bad emotions has found its way inside me and I don't know how. So many small things that get on my nerves, some bigger things, to me anyway. And of course there's always a 'him' involved, what problem would be a true problem without a 'him'. Of course its the usual sitch where you're just the one just nodding and smiling, putting on a happy voice and giving everyone else advice. Everyone says they should take their own advice, but that's just silly because then there would be no drama and no attention and no winging. What would life be without complaining about it? We're all selfish dicks who only want to talk about themselves, I just wish some people would make it a little less obvious.

I Heart You Online

I spose this is how it is...

You and I

Beautiful song, I learnt it on the ukulele today :)

Georgina xx

Man I Hate Your Baand

Sorry for the lack of posts, I've been lambing all week :) It's so fun, just being on a farm is nice because it's so relaxed and you get to be outside all day. Plus I got to miss school for a week for driving a quad bike and walking round fields! It's not everyone's cup of tea but I love it :) I also get on really well with the farmer and his girlfriend, they're so friendly and laid back. They probably got fed up of me haha, I just talked the whole time and kept doing things wrong :P but it was a good week, I'm just dreading going back to school now :/

True

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” -Albert Pine.

White Blank Page

I'm a happy chappy. I've had a good week. Last week was long and slow and boring with no motivation and a lack of smiles. This weeks has been varied, it's gone quickly and lots has come out of it.

Thursday was As level results day. It also happened to be the same day I had a course for work so when everyone found out their results, I was sat in a room listening to some old guy waffle on about common sense. I could have rung the school but I couldn't stand the thought of someone reading my results to me! I went in at the end of the day and had to painfully wait while the teacher searched through every list trying to find my name.

I'll be honest I was expecting the worst, I'm aiming for As but was expecting Ds and Es. In the end I got AAB (As in Physics and Biology and B in Chemistry) which I was pretty chuffed with :) I'll have to resit the B which seems pathetic but I really do need an A to be a vet! As for the A in physics, that's a miracle! I cant wait to see my cocky teacher who told me I would never get an A however hard I worked.

As for the rest of the year group, there's a lot of disappointment. I've never heard so many Us and Es going round the place, it's mental. Thank God for resits!

Hope you're all good you were pleased with any results you've got recently :)

Thanks for reading,

Georgina xx

Cause I have other things to fill my time...

Day 14 - A picture of your favorite pastime.
Thinking, dreaming, sleeping. Not really pastimes but that's what I like to do.
I think loads. I've never thought of it as a bad thing really but when looking for all these photos on www.weheartit.com it was generally portrayed as something not to be done if trying to avoid stress or worry. I think it helps your worries. If you put everything to the back of your mind then nothing will be solved but thinking and problem solving is the way to go.
As for dreaming, this is a weird one. I dream loads. I'm starting to think this is medication related but I won't go into that one. It's odd. Sometimes it's nice, some days I wake up in the morning in the best mood simply because of my dream, other days I just have loads of stories to tell and things to laugh at. But sometimes I wake up feeling like rather than getting a good night's sleep, I've just been busy the whole time and haven't had any rest at all.
Sleeping is nice. Pretty much the only way to get rid of that 'I just want to curl up in a ball and hibernate' feeling is by doing that. I could sleep forever.
And now just to be arrogant and quote myself: I was walking with my friend through school earlier and she went off ahead so I tried to explain what happened and said "I always get caught up in the cloud." Even though I meant to say 'crowd' I thought it summed me up quite well.
So oui, that's all from me, I have sleeping to do and probably some thinking and worrying too, plus I will undoubtedly have lots of dreams :)

Georgina xx