Go Fly a Kite

I really can't explain how I feel. I haven't felt this in ages. Just angry and stressed and everything bubbling up inside me. I feel sick and tired and like crying. I want to have an argument with someone. I don't know where this has come from, I can think of a million and one petty reasons. No sleep? Lack of exercise? Stress? Argh. Just this big fat ball of bad emotions has found its way inside me and I don't know how. So many small things that get on my nerves, some bigger things, to me anyway. And of course there's always a 'him' involved, what problem would be a true problem without a 'him'. Of course its the usual sitch where you're just the one just nodding and smiling, putting on a happy voice and giving everyone else advice. Everyone says they should take their own advice, but that's just silly because then there would be no drama and no attention and no winging. What would life be without complaining about it? We're all selfish dicks who only want to talk about themselves, I just wish some people would make it a little less obvious.

Pizza from scratch

Urgh, a down day. Parents are so annoying.

I have to say I have not been that angry in a long time, I took advantage of this and did an 'expressive' picture for my art project (7 deadly sins- 'wrath'). It ended up as a screwed up piece of paper with red scribbles. Plus I got paint on my carpet and broke one of my chalks :(

Apparently my art isn't emotional enough, this is because I'm a perfectionist so can't be messy and creative. I have to have smooth lines and perfect proportions. That's why I get stressed when it all goes wrong.

He said "Think of the last time you were jealous and get a pen and draw lines. Don't look, just draw what you're feeling." Thanks sir, no, really.

But I suppose, when I'm really angry I just want to get a canvas and smear a load of paint crap all over it, get it everywhere, piss some people off. Sounds good.

Another fricking annoying thing is that I cry when I'm angry, so it comes out as sadness which is not what I'm trying to get across. Urgh. People should really get this by now. They have known me my whole life for fuck's sake.

Hope I didnt bring you down, it's not fun here.

x