A brain on overload and a misunderstood smile

I am so split. In two minds. Almost like two channels of my brain. On channel one I'm happy. I have the biggest smile, a big cheesy grin, for no reason, just because life is good and I have music and friends and sun. I feel like dancing around, singing in the shower, having one-way conversations with my cat. That's my favourite channel. The one I am trying to stay on.

Channel two. Negative. I am so stressed out. I have much to think about, if I do I just burst into tears. I can't even stop and leave it a few days. Even when I cry I have to work or get something ready, just because I know I don't have any time to waste. I just sit there with tears streaming down my face, finishing off my maths homework or revising science. I'm tired and moody. I have two language speaking exams next week and I have learnt nothing. I have two art exams to prepare for and no inspiration. Every evening I am doing something after school. I just need to STOP. Switch off. Relax. My brain is dead, I'm on autopilot. I hate it.

Today I even ignored someone. I never do that. I wasn't event thinking about anything. I was just asleep, trying to get a break from this stupid thing. I can't explain it. Nervous breakdown time.

Another Sunny Day

Oh dear, my bad-blogger-syndrome is back. Instead of making another post full of apologies and excuses I will try and make an interesting one :) Well to be honest, I haven't had the most exciting of weeks, here's how it went (with a load of pretty pictures to make it look nice!):

Monday- the first day back after the holidays always seems to be the funniest, I suppose it's because I hadn't seen my friends that much over easter. I did get a bit stressed though with so much art to do, most of this was taken out on my mum :/ The old people's home was boring as per and I didn't go to young farmers, I was too busy stressing!

Tuesday- In the morning I had my sixth form interview which was utterly pointless and should not be awarded that title. Later on- even though I'm allowed to miss double PE every week for art, I couldn't be bothered to clear the stuff from my lonely corner in the art room, and it was so sunny outside! So I played badminton and golf- basically sat on the field talking to my friends, good old Mr PE man even stuck up for us when the evil PE lady told us off.

Wednesday- I finally took in my life drawing to show my art teacher, I got some nice comments as well as a lot of funny looks from people looking at the fat naked people all over my desk

Thursday- my parents went away, meaning there was no one to wake me up...even thought I set 4 alarms I woke up at 11 o'clock and practically ran to school, haha I made it just in time for maths :P I also had to lie and say I'd been at the orthodontist, they'll never know ;)

Friday- another sunny day, finished off with double french, it sounds evil but it can be pretty fun!
Saturday- did lots of art (again!) then went to the park for a BBQ which was good, it was a very random bunch of folk but good times all the same!

So yes, a pretty average week in the life of me :) I'm so glad the sun's back out, I do love the winter but nothing can beat a few rays, it's got us all planning for the summer- 12 weeks of nothingness and time, sounds like heaven :)

Thanks for reading, I hope you're all well and enjoying the lovely weather (if you've been lucky like us!)

Georgina xx

A helping hand?

I'm a bit stressed. I am currently doing my AS level art exam, the title is "Rhythms and Cycles" and at first I felt completly uninspired, I did my ideas page and still just had a huge mental block, not helped by my crazy art teacher who tends to go on and on and just make me stressed and confused.

So anyway, I've finally come up with a hazy idea which I either love or hate- I can't tell. Basically I'm going to focus on the rhythms of life- emotions, thoughts and general outlook. I've been told to keep a diary for a week and write down every idea and emotion I have alongside photos/tickets etc. The focus of my project will be about now- how I see things and the things I feel, as well as my day-to-day life. I want to link these to my past to see how things change and how I've changed as a person.
This is where you lovely followers and fellow bloggers come in :) I thought of using symbolism in my final piece, three objects to represent my past, present and future. But I would also like other people's input to show different views. If you could tell me which objects best represent your past, present and future, it would be fantastic and would really help me with my project. They can be any objects, even animals, foods or plants. I won't use any of your personal details just the info you give me.

For example my mum said...
Past- wheelbarrow (she has worked hard but needed support)
Present- folder (she feels overloaded with work and general stress)
Future- she hopes would be roses (sweet and beautiful?)

Sorry if I've explained this really badly, it's difficult to tell you all the ideas without making the post too long. If you could help me it would be great, feel free to ask questions if it's confusing. Thank you :)

x

Pizza from scratch

Urgh, a down day. Parents are so annoying.

I have to say I have not been that angry in a long time, I took advantage of this and did an 'expressive' picture for my art project (7 deadly sins- 'wrath'). It ended up as a screwed up piece of paper with red scribbles. Plus I got paint on my carpet and broke one of my chalks :(

Apparently my art isn't emotional enough, this is because I'm a perfectionist so can't be messy and creative. I have to have smooth lines and perfect proportions. That's why I get stressed when it all goes wrong.

He said "Think of the last time you were jealous and get a pen and draw lines. Don't look, just draw what you're feeling." Thanks sir, no, really.

But I suppose, when I'm really angry I just want to get a canvas and smear a load of paint crap all over it, get it everywhere, piss some people off. Sounds good.

Another fricking annoying thing is that I cry when I'm angry, so it comes out as sadness which is not what I'm trying to get across. Urgh. People should really get this by now. They have known me my whole life for fuck's sake.

Hope I didnt bring you down, it's not fun here.

x

I am here to enlighten you

So so so...I said I would have a good blog for you, but unfortunatly I have not figured out what this consists of quite yet so...I'm thinking firstly a catch up on the past few days, as I previously posted I've had science exams but let's not talk about those, it will only raise my stress levels. I had life-drawing again yesterday, this time it was a woman so was nowhere near as awkward.

I had a pretty good day today, I took in my art book to my teacher (I'm doing my GCSE and AS art this year, long story) and he was really pleased and got all excited about creative ideas and exhibitions and so on... After school I went to the old folk's home, this is for my DofE volunteering so I had to organise all of that. That's about it really, oh, I got asked by my maths teacher "Do you know what twice means?" I say no more.

This post needs interest. 10 Things you do not know about me. (but you do now)

1. I am a vegetarian. (It involves a long story including a stubborn 8 year old and the film Babe, and yes my insides do look like this.)
2. I am addicted to hot drinks. (Tea, hot chocolate, coffee, hot water, you name it, I'll drink it.)

3. I love London. (I take that back, I'm in love with London.)

4. I want to be a vet. (I know it's amazingly hard but I'm working on it, need more work experience though.)

5. My favourite season is autumn. (Misty mornings, crunchy orange leaves- too lovely.)

6. I don't want to grow up. (The future sounds good but I loved not having a care in the world, I spose you don't know what you've got til it's gone.)


7. I need music. (Doesn't everyone?)

8. I love long car journeys. (Stick the iPod in and dream. She's not in a car but she is dreaming!)

9. I like outdoorsy stuff like camping. (Just don't appreciate it until I'm at home, warm and dry.)

10. No one knows I blog except you. (It's the one secret I manage not to tell.)

Yes, now you are slightly enlightened into the life of me, that's if you did actually read it and not just look at the pretty pictures all from www.weheartit.com. Sorry I should have taken them all myself but that seemed like a bit too much effort!

Thank you for being you and for keeping No.10 a secret :)

Georgina xx